


What do you see when you look in the mirror?

by AlannaGuerrero



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4208058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlannaGuerrero/pseuds/AlannaGuerrero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom doesn’t hate the world nearly as much as he hates himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Tom Riddle hated being an orphan. Hated to look so much like the rest of them, not precisely dirty or unwell, but still not clean, not safe, not really healthy.

So, of course, when Tom was a boy, all he wanted was to be set apart. He knew - _they knew_ \- he was different, and he wanted it to be shown.

He could sometimes remember a time when he had wanted something else, something he had never felt or known, perhaps the love supposed to present itself in families, someone to care and take care of him.

The orphanage stamps that out soon enough, though. He doesn’t know why he wasn’t taken before, but now he’s older it’s repeated amongst the orphan that babies is all they want.

Sometimes, couples come looking for babies and decide to take another child, but really, with so many other orphanages in the city, in the country, they can afford to keep looking.

He still tries, of course. Because he knows, is sure, that he does not belong here, between this dark, dank walls. So he tries to keep himself clean and presentable, and smile and make his eyes twinkle so the couples coming in will look at him and want him to be theirs.

He is not the only one who does that, but he is the only one, he knows, with a chance at succeeding. because he still looks beautiful amongst the rubble that is this place and none of the other orphans has that.

It all changes when Billy Stubbs the low dirty rat comes at him and beats him so he appears just as dirty as he is, as unimportant.

He doesn’t know how exactly he will do it, but he knows there is a way to make Billy pay, for hurting Tom, for embarrassing him, for making him appear like the rest.

Later that night, after the lights are out and they rest of them are sleeping and he sees, clearly in front of his eyes what will make Billy Stubbs suffer.

He is only slightly surprised when he wakes up the next morning to see Billy crying, whining really, and the rabbit still hanging from the roof as the caregivers try finding a ladder to climb on to remove it.

Billy looks at Tom and Tom smiles.

****

Albus Dumbledore is a strange man, Tom sees, but he has come to take him away from this place so that can count for something.

He had always known he was different, special and know he finally, finally, knew how. He had magic, real magic and he was leaving this place and going to a place where they will know his worth and appreciate him fully.

He has to be careful, more that he has been with Dumbledore, this man is searching Tom’s eyes looking for evidence of something, Tom doesn’t know what. He has told Dumbledore about some of the things he has done, sharing his proficiency, his ability, his raw talent, but it seems the man isn’t happy about it, maybe he is jealous, Tom thinks.

It doesn’t matter. All that matters it that Tom will he leaving this place and going somewhere better, magical.

***

Hogwarts is more and less that he imagined but he can deal with it because he is smart and talented and charming. Others look up to him, teachers are enchanted with him, the dirty, filthy ones have come to fear him.

Tom doesn’t care all that much. He spends the next few years growing and learning magic and how to wield it and has discovered secrets by himself, some about himself.

He truly is special.

They flock to him, the purebloods in his house, they follow his charms and fear and admire his power. Boys, girls, they admire him, his looks, and he knows how beautiful he is, how he can use that to gain favor.

He hates them for their blood, their money and their looks, because he knows, even back then, that those he comes from lacked some of those things.

He hates that it also makes him lacking.

***

He has found out from the caretakers that his name comes from his father but he hasn’t been able to find any Tom Riddle in the pureblood family trees. He ignores it, thinking that maybe the caretakers lied or maybe his father’s family belongs to another place, another country and that’s the reason why Tom can’t find him. His father must be a powerful man, poor perhaps and that’s the reason Tom had ended up at a muggle orphanage. His father must have been an important man, perhaps a married wizard, powerful by his own right but in a position of authority he’s not willing to give up. Maybe his mother was a muggle like he thought, the reason why she died was because she didn’t have any powers to protect herself.

He’s a halfblood, he’s sure of that. And the half part kills him. He should have what they have, the certainty of their bloodlines, the respect that comes with them.

Tom can respect his father’s plight, he understands positions and places, knows money means a lot, but not more than power, and magic is the best power to have because it can procure everything else. His mother’s defeat, the act of simply quiting life is something Tom can not understand or forgive.

Life should not be abandoned, he is sure magic has ways to defeat death and vows to find them.

***

When he finds out who his mother is, tracking his middle name, he is as surprised as he ashamed and vindicated.

His father must be a muggle, then. It pains him to acknowledge that because he had already drawn expectations and stories around him, like a little boy, he mocks.

His mother, the witch, the descendant of Salazar Slytherin, let herself simply die.

Was her life not worth living?

A tiny voice asks, _was Tom not worth living for?_

He thinks again about power and magic and how they are so intricately connected.

Tom has them both, because of who he is, he comes from Slytherin himself; his mother, might have been poor, might have been a quitter but she comes from power, from unbound magical power.

He is more that her already, because he will not, ever, quit on life. He is already looking for ways to hide from death, and he will make them work.

He will not die.

Because he is worth too much, is too much, is important, is special.

He will show all of them.

His mind goes back to his father, having to accept that he, the one he favors in looks and charms is the muggle, is his connection to that place is more difficult to deal with.

There must be a reason, of course. Perhaps he is dead as well, and his mother his maudlin loser of a mother decided to let herself die when her love was gone from her arms.

Pathetic.

***

It’s not until he meets his mother’s brother that he finds out all of it, that his world falls apart. His ideas and half made stories about his parents are thrown to pieces by the disgusting Morfin Gaunt.

You look mighty like that Muggle.

His father wasn’t dead, was he?

No, he had left his mother. Because she was witch.

He was a just a filthy muggle who never became anything and ran when he discovered his mother’s power. How could he not see the benefits of magic? How could he be so stupid?

And his mother?

She died for this?

The pathetic bitch had left Tom alone, amongst muggles of all things because the filth she had taken a fancy to left her? Didn’t she realize she was worth more? Tom was worth more?

Anger, betrayal, disgust. Pain.

Rage.

He would take his revenge. He would make his father pay.

And after that, he would forever leave him behind. Disgusting muggle that he was. He wasn’t worth wearing his name. He was nothing.

Tom was going to be more than either of them, than both of them. He would mean more.

He would be the wizard that defeated death and controlled life.

                                                                 He would _**be**_ the world.


End file.
